D Pizzness presents "How A's become G's"   Subscribe via RSS

06/26/2009 12:00 AM :

DP Dance

WAAADDDUUUP HOLMES!!! It is sooo fade tight how you keep logging on the interwebs to pimp this realness. Yoooo, this week's list is even better than the last. My game just keeps getting tighter. Consequently, so will yours if you get into this shizz as instructed. And, away we go...

1) Slick Rick. They call him the Ruler. He made pirate style the shit long before that candy ass Johnny Depp got all Disney Ride movie on us. Just look at homeboy's eye patch and all that dope ass pirate booty he is wearing:

Slick Rick

I mean, damn! That is some realness they couldn't even make anymore. "Tell your mother 'bout your lover or so your best friend." Word.

2) Jesus. He's pretty cool. Not so much as a Biblical figure, but as kind of a cool guy I hang out with in the movies of my mind. I imagine that Jesus would sip some wine, give me some dope ass advice about broads or wearing sandals or walking on water and then just flies away on some sweet fictitious animal. Like that weird fucking pseudo dragon from that movie "The Never Ending Story." Peep this... I just drew this shit to show ya'll what I am seeing in the movies of my mind:

Dope Ass Jesus

See how sweet that shit would be? Damn, I love how Jesus is in the movies of my mind.

3) The movies of my mind. Just talking about them makes me realize how dope my shit truly is. Like I could totally play you all three Ghostbuster movies in the dopest high definition you've ever seen if you could just crawl inside the annals of my being. See? Big words are not something that you hype beasts should be afraid of incorporating into your steez. No need to get all Asher Roth and dumb yo' self down just to fit a fake ass mold. KnowwhatImean? Look at your boy, D Pizz. I just leave those thoughts in El Segundo and pop myself down on my mental Lazy Boy to enjoy the movies of my mind.

4) Kelly Kapowski. The other day I thought about you, remembered how hot you were, got a slight chubby, decided to rub one out based on photos I found of you via Google and determined that there was little to no shame in admitting any of this. Word. Kelly Kapowski piece.

Kelly

5) Michael Jackson. Sorry you passed away, holmes... Human Nature is that make-out shit I always turn on the first time I bring some strange home. So, thanks for influencing all that ass I get.

MJ

6) Brad Pitt in Snatch. Can't understand a word this nig piece says the entire moive outside of "Caravan," but dude is cool as fuck. Word. Caravans.

Mickey

7) USMNTP. That shizz stands for US Men's National Team Piece. They beat that Spanish Armada whilst in South Africa. I credit their Captain, Carlos Brokeassniggra. With a g'd up name like that, how can you not win something?

8) Zac Efron. Look, mufucka, this universe ain't big enough for the both of us. You walk around like you are cooler than the other side of the pillow, but I was doing that same shit like ten years ago. So, quit grabbin' yo dick and admit you just want to be me. Unless you are grabbin' yo bozack because Kelly Kapowski is in front of you. In which case, I totally understand.

Efron Dick Piece