BAAC Teammates, version 3.0   Subscribe via RSS

03/27/2008 12:00 AM :

It is with great pleasure that the club unveils our latest installment of what is fast becoming the hottest feature on this website. BAAC Teammates allows the lads to talk about their comrades in arms on the pitch and the different attributes that make them infamous off of it. In an effort expand our coverage of the Teammates segment, we have now added some additional questions to the mix which should result in even more hilarity and the inevitable hurt feelings.

Winger Kyle Cermak decides to share his feelings this week about who he would fight a bear with and who should never enter a church. Read on... This is BAAC Teammates!!!

Cermak pic

Best Trainer and why?

Umm... In all honesty, I'd have to say myself. I'm probably the only one in the squad who trains during the week. Granted, my short time in the game requires me to do so. I hope that one day I will be bitter enough like the rest of the lads to never again do drills, run or play more than once a week.

Worst Trainer and why?

For me, I would have to say Danny Kern. Although, in fairness to Danny, he does approach training as a means to consume a lot of beer directly afterwards. So, I do applaud him for that.

Quickest?

This debate has been ongoing for some time. I think Ganus, Sonny and myself just need to settle it one day with a nifty little 50 yard dash, elementary school field day style. That way it cannot be debated any further.

Slowest?

Without any doubt in my mind it is Andy Kern. Watching Andy run is literally like watching a slow motion replay.

Biggest Moaner?

I saw that most of the lads say Pistol for this one. Although there is some truth in there, I have to be different and say Jason Rogers. I have never played with nor watched Jason play where he has had nothing to say. Always banging on about something, and inevitably you'll owe him five bucks. No one has ever called me a wanker so much in my entire life either.

Who is the hard man on the squad?

I would have to say Josh Knipfer. One time we were having a intersquad practice over the summer and Josh tackled me, which resulted in me being on the physio's table for two weeks. I rest my case.

Most intelligent member of the squad?

Tommy may be a doctor and all, but I have to say DP on this one. Anyone whose official job title is "Spirit Sherpa" has truly figured out how to win at the game of life.

Least intelligent?

I think if we measure this on how long certain people have been in college without actually having received a degree, it is a coin toss between Ben Fell and Jason Ganus.

Worst dress sense and why?

This is a hard one because it is all about perspectives. However, I have seen Sonny go out in public in some outfits that either require immense courage or a total lack of decency. So, I have to give it to Sonny. DP is a close second because all of that J Crew shit just doesn't work for me.

Best dancer?

Two weeks ago, I would have said Justin Moreland. However, after a dance off was set up in order to finally establish who was the best, Ben Fell gets my vote. I never knew he had it in him.

Best singer?

I would have to give this to myself due to my past as a musician. Although screaming isn't singing, I can still churn out the butter when it comes to the vocals.

Most likely to pull the ladies?

DP can pull some wool, but average looking, 20-something ladies in Tulsa are always trying to get married. So, that works in his favor. I give this one to Greg McKenna. Nailing cougars on a regular basis is no easy task, yet G-Mack pulls it off with style and grace.

If you could pick one teammate to fight a bear with, who would it be?

Hmmm... I think Jordan McKenzie would be the best. One time Jordan fought four dudes at once and put two of them in the hospital just for taking a poop at his bar. Then he hit me in the chest to illustrate his point the next day. I think the bear would need help just to fight Jordan.

What is your favorite food to eat on the toilet?

Trail mix, because its fun to watch it leave in the same form it went in.

Who in the club can consume the most booze in under an hour?

There are a lot of the lads who can drink a lot of alcohol in a short amount of time. But, based on a game of quarters I saw when I first joined the club I have to give this to Sonny. He can just bury some booze with a sense of purpose.

Which WAG has the nicest titty meat?

The only bobblers I know anything about are my wife's... And they are just lovely. The kind you would make a commemorative stamp about.

Which player's skin burns the most whilst in a church?

Maybe Justin Moreland... It's tough getting up on a Sunday to praise the lord when you've been out most of the night trying to break all ten commandments. So, JP gets the nod.

Who is most likely to drink their own pee-pee for a tenner?

Moreland did this for a five piece last year, but a tenner is some serious scrilla. So, I think with the right amount of booze and coersion Ben Fell would certainly be convinced of doing this.

Who would most likely be the fastest in a race rolling down a hill?

Danny Kern. Gravity + mass = velocity.

If the BAAC were to do a tasteful semi-nude calendar, who would be January?

I think Fuzz would be the best. It would really start the year off right. Fuzz's mustache would give the calendar that old school Burt Reynolds feel while satisfying the modern needs of women with his svelt abs.

If Jordan McKenzie were on a dirt bike and Josh Knipfer were on a pony made of lightning bolts, which red hair would win the race?

Knipfer would win this, solely because a Pony made of lightning combines the elements of strength and magic the club promotes in our crest. Jordan on a dirt bike would clearly be a sight to see though.

Which teammate will serve the most prison time from this point forth?

Tommy Kern. A little truth or dare in the operating room results in the largest medical malpractice case in the country's history... but that is merely speculation of course.