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05/19/2010 12:41 AM : BAAC Headquarters

2010 Soccer State Championship Cup

Boston Avenue Athletic Club Headquarters- Approximately two months ago it was decided that the B.A.A.C. would take it's band of hooligans to Lawton for the Oklahoma State Cup. The events that transpired have already added to and strengthened the legendary reputation of our fine club. The weekend can be most accurately processed when it's divided into two categories:  OFF FIELD ACTIVITES and ON FIELD ACTIVITIES. So to start, we'll begin with the off field antics.

Here's a run down in a segment we like to call YES or NO:

-Was there drinking? YES
-Over 200 beers in bathtub full of ice? YES
-Recreational drug use? YES
-In a bathtub full of ice? NO
-Was a scab eaten off Brian McCurdy's foot for $6? YES
-Did "Craig" wear a 1989 LL Bean fleece unzipped with no undershirt all weekend? YES 
-Did he vomit in a bouncer's face at a country bar called "Scooter's"? YES
-Did the police come to our motel because of us? YES
-Did they catch/harass us? NO (escaped just in time)
-Were 20 cheeseburgers and 10 orders of fries ordered by one person? YES
-Did one of our players line dance to rap music shirtless? YES
-Was it the one who made $6 earlier in the evening? YES
-Did two of our players fight some military boys? YES
-Did they win? NO
-Was half a bottle of Pedialite beer bonged? YES
-Was Eamon Henson really the only one not to go out? YES (shocked? It's true.)
-Was a good time had by all? YES
-Have I said too much? YUP

All the boys had a great time and Lawton will probably never be the same.

Now for the on field antics. The B.A.A.C. Reserves only had two other teams in their division. A good start was a must and one victory would likely see them through to the final. The opening match was against South Lakes Cosmos, who had been the culprit of their most embarassing moment to date. Two years ago in the state tournament the Reserves led this same squad by a score of 5-0 only to allow a catastrophic 7 unanswered second half goals in and get prematurely bounced out of the '08 State Cup 7-5. There were similarities and differences this time around. The ressies jumped out to 5-0 lead. Seven more goals were also scored after that point. The difference? The ressies scored six of those seven goals. Todd "Tad Gadderd" Goddard went absolutely nuts, scoring six first half goals. Goddard tacked on two more second half tallies to finish the match with a preposterous total of eight goals. 11-1 may be the very definition of a "Good start".

11  VS 1

Because the team the B.A.A.C. Reserves beat had lost their earlier match, the final was technically set. An agreement was reached between Ponca City Cruz Azul and the B.A.A.C. Reserves to skip their scheduled group match and simply play a Sunday final.

 The "little A's" did what they usually do on a Sunday. Show up with nine dudes and stomp the shit out of people. Brian McCurdy stepped on after 10 minutes to give the ressies a tenth man. His impact was immediately felt, as his side footed effort from the top of the box gave the club a 1-0 lead. Eight minutes later Monty Frazier III doubled that lead when his one on one with the goalkeeper was neatly tucked away. Todd Goddard scored from the penalty spot, and at 3-0 it appeared that the ressies were on thier way. Justin Moreland did nothing to help the opposition's hopes when his fine solo effort sent the little A's into halftime up 4-0.

The second half saw the little A's play a fairly conservative brand of footy, and though they did concede a goal and goalkeeper Jacob Rogers was called into action a few times, the most exciting thing about the second half was when Justin Moreland did his father proud by absolutely flattening a Mexican man.

Final Score 4-1. B.A.A.C. Reserves...State Champions

4  VS 1

The B.A.A.C.'s first team's time in Lawton was considerably more difficult than the Reserves, due in part to the fact that the brand of soccer played by the A's is "Not as good", "Slower", or "Crumbier" by comparison to their younger counterparts. Nevertheless, what the A's lack in quality, they more than make up for with their almost deranged competitive nature.

The first match saw the A's paired off against the finest Mexican team in the world from Altus, Oklahoma. Altus Toluca. The match started of well for the A's. Patrick Ryan's long range effort tested the stability of the goal post. Brian Macha went close several times, only to be denied by an array of factors. However, it would be Toluca who would be first on the board. Toluca caught the A's on a counter-attack and took the lead totally against the run of play. In the second half it became evident that Toluca were merely a counter-punching team and if the A's remained organized there would be no great difficulties. So, as you would expect second half was a completely wide open and chaotic affair. With 15 minutes to play Sonny Dalesandro unconvincingly converted a penalty to knot the score at 1-1. Five minutes later his spurned one on one attempt proved to be extremely costly.

"Their forward was clearly offsides" said goalkeeper Eamon Henson

Toluca had scored the winner four minutes from time, against the run of play, and we're very, very offsides.

1  VS 2

The loss in the first match meant that the second match vs. 2006 Soktoberfest champions Lawtow Barcelona was extremely crucial. This was compounded by the fact that they had trounced OKC Strikers 5-2 in their first match.

"Honestly, they were a much better team than Toluca, and I had a feeling they'd beat Toluca when they played" said Andy Kern

The match was much more evenly contested than the first match. Each team tried to go forward and score goals and the soccer was more attractive because of it. Barcelona appeared to have taken the lead until the referee literally came over and explained the definition of "offsides" to his so-called assistant referee and called back the would-have-been opening goal. The A's took advantage shortly after when Brian Macha's effort careened off the post, was trapped by the ungrateful testicles of Dalesandro, and eventually slid into the net. The lead was doubled in the 28th minute and the A's took their 2-0 lead into the break.

The Athletic's took "charity" to a whole new level when they first allowed a man to go unmarked on a corner kick and had their lead cut in half, and second gave away a penalty, all in the first 8 minutes of the second half. The A's did manage to remain composed even though their two goal lead had vanished and their tournament lives had been put at an extreme risk. With twenty minutes remaining Barcelona's central defender committed a clumsy challenge inside of his own box and the B.A.A.C. were awarded a penalty. Dalesandro's second tournament trip to the spot was slightly more convincing than his first, and the goal reinstated the favorable one goal margin. The back-line led by Ryan Harrison, won tackle after tackle and header after header. The always solid Patty Ryan held down the fort in the center of the park, and the A's held off Lawton's version of Barcelona 3-2.

3  VS 2

The third match kicked off at 10:00 a.m. Sunday morning. Our boys' didn't feel well for obvious debauched reasons. The two good things were that OKC Strikers had been beaten 7-0 by Toluca and had been mathematically eliminated, and that Barcelona and Toluca were going to be waging a fierce draining war one field over to help uncover who would be taking a spot in the final.

Ben Aycock has won countless headers on corner kicks over the past few seasons, only to see his efforts turned away by posts, top notch saves, and general bad luck. In 33 matches for the club Ben still un-proudly had not had his cherry "popped". In the 10th minute, Ben brought that streak to a screeching halt. Aycock rose up to meet a Patty Ryan corner kick and thumped his streak of bad luck right into the back of the net. 1-0 A's. The B.A.A.C., with help from a lively Paul Johnson cruised to an easy 3-0 victory, but the question remained, would it be enough to reach the final?

3  VS 0

As Andy Kern had predicted Lawton Barcelona had beaten Altus Toluca, and by the margin of 3-2. This meant that 3 teams had 2-1 records. Altus Toluca secured their place in the final via a superior goal difference. Who would be there opponents? According to O.S.A. rules the first "tie-breaker" is a head-to-head result. That meant that the B.A.A.C. would be allowed the opportunity to avenge their earlier defeat at the hands of Toluca. This time in the Oklahoma State Cup Final.

The final was destined to be ugly. Both teams were on the verge of exhaustion and it was solely the pot 'o gold at the end of the rainbow that was driving both sides.

"We knew going in it was going to be a fight" said A's temporary utility man Ben Fell

"They didn't like us, and we certainly didn't like them"

The game was a mirror image of the first encounter, as the A's applied the early pressure and we're again the victims of a goal against the run of play. Toluca had taken a 1-0 lead, and the A's began to finally show the deflated signs of frustration and fatigue. The true feelings between the two teams came out in the 20th minute when Travis "Traaaavvvvvvvyyyyy" Foust and a member of Toluca were sent off for, what one might call, push fighting. Ten men a-side meant even more to ask from every player, and right before the half, the pressure of this task became seemingly evident as the B.A.A.C. allowed a second goal. And then...that's when "it" happened. A player for Toluca turned to Patrick Ryan and said the magic words, "It's over!"

"It was still the first half, I couldn't actually believe the little prick had said it" said a befuddled Dalesandro

"All I could think was 'How many game's has this dickhead played in where 2-0 in the first half of a game against team that's better than you has constituted "game over"?'"

"They were going to get our best shot...in one way or another, that's all that asshole guaranteed."

The A's went 4-3-2 to start the half with David Pennington and Paul Johnson causing all kinds of fits for Toluca on the left and Patty Ryan doing his best to be literally everywhere at once. With 25 minutes left to play Patty Ryan resuscitated the A's hopes when his sublime free kick flew in from 22 yards out. 2-1. Game over?

With both teams mustering everything they had left the worst possible thing in the world happened. Toluca scored. 3-1. Game over (which was said again!)? Eight minutes left. Probably.

"I won't say that I didn't think we could win...only that my priorities had maliciously shifted" said Patty Ryan.

If there were a contest called "Spend a day with horror tackle legend Victor Moreland", and the criterium was to try and kill someone whilst on a soccer field, Sonny Dalesandro would have wrapped the contest up with his diabolical two footed tackle.

"I tried to two foot him in the neck, but in my old age apparently the hip and ribs is as far as these old legs will go."

"That was the worst tackle I've ever seen." said Justin Moreland

High praise coming from the son of "V Stud".

Just when it couldn't get any worse, with five minutes left, A's center back Ryan Harrison picked up his second yellow card.

3-1. Five minutes left. Eight men left. Wow.

What happened next will never be forgotten as long as this club exists. Greg McKenna threw his own shit on one of their players....Just kidding...it's actually even better. With four minutes left Paul Johnson pounced on a ball in the box, getting just enough power on his shot that the oppostion's keeper could only deflect the effort into his own side netting. 3-2!

"I couldn't believe it" said Travis Foust from afar

"Us 'Red card guys' were escourted five over and I couldn't tell if it had actually counted until they took the kickoff, amazing."

With the kickoff, Toluca strung together the traditional two "Mexican passes", one to their team and then one to ours. The B.A.A.C. put a couple of passes together and lumped a (hopeful at best) ball into Toluca's box, wherein their goalie made an absolute disaster of it! The first attempt was blocked, and then it was just a melee in the box. Bodies flying everywhere. "Last minute of a cup final" type of stuff. That's when Greg McKenna, who by his own admission (barring his face-ball assist in the third match), was bad for the entire weekend, came flying in and fucking smashed the ball into the back of the net! 3-3! The A's backline hoofed the ball out of play two more times and the ref blew the whistle. Penalties awaited.

Eamon Henson had been on fine form for the entire season, but is not renowned as an expert penalty stopper, so when David Pennington saw his opening penalty miss wide, it was up to the old man to right the ship.

"I just took a few deep breaths made myself big, bounced around a bit, read the clues I was given, and made my choice."

Henson guessed correct on the first penalty and was slightly aided by his trusty crossbar and the score remained 0-0 after first Round.

Greg McKenna stepped up and did what Greg McKenna does...Aim approximately one inch either side of the keeper and shoot as hard as he can. It worked! And in the process may or may not have blown their keepers thumb off. Henson came up trumps again making a beautiful save to his left. After two rounds, 1-0 A's.

Patty Ryan stepped up next for the Athletic's. What the hell do you think happened? 2-0 to the good. The man is nearly too cool. Henson guessed correctly again, but his fingertips were only just beaten. After three rounds 2-1 A's.

Reigning "player of the year" Andy Kern stepped up with a chance to apply immense pressure, as a goal would mean that any other A's goal or A's save would end the contest. Unfortunately the Toluca keeper came to the rescue and kept Kerno out. This now presented Toluca with a golden opportunity to tie the shootout up after four rounds. Toluca's fourth penalty was their best penalty of the shootout. A laced effort low to the bottom left corner.

"It's the hardest penalty to save." said A' reserve keeper Jacob Rogers

"A penalty that's placed that well, struck that well, and that tails downward is nearly impossible to keep out"

Henson did though. And with that, after four rounds, 2-1 A's.

Ben Aycock stepped up next with a chance to win the cup. Aycock the lefty waited for the whistle, confidently stepped up, and placed the ball to the keeper's right...

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